how well do you know your relationship needs and desires?
Most of us move through our romantic lives as if walking in a dream, repeatedly stumbling over the same patterns. Creating a truly fulfilling relationship doesn’t start with swiping left or right on potential partners; instead, it’s a journey of understanding your own needs and learning to value yourself.
Focusing on your desires and needs isn’t always easy. We often downplay our wants, thinking they’re not practical or important enough. But here’s a secret: they matter—a lot!
Why It’s Important to Focus on Your Desires
Your subconscious tends to believe that whatever you focus on is what you want more of. In other words, if you’re constantly thinking about what you don’t like, you’ll attract more of it. The other issue is that it leaves you unclear about what you truly want.
Understanding your desires isn’t just about making a list—it’s about connecting with your deepest self. Discovering your true desires means being in tune with your authentic self, your personality, and your values. The depth of your connection with yourself determines the depth of your connection with your partner.
Acting in alignment with your deepest desires and values is a core principle of positive psychology. This field emphasizes that people who are clear about their desires and values—and act in accordance with them—experience greater fulfillment and happiness. So, when you clarify what you expect from a partner and a relationship, you’re not only setting standards for those who enter your life, but you’re also creating harmony between your desires and your choices. A relationship that aligns with your deepest values and desires enhances your life, lifts you up, and inspires you.
How to Discover Your Deepest Desires: A Simple Exercise
Desires Journal: Grab a notebook and start a journal dedicated to your relationship desires. Be bold, be passionate, and be completely honest with yourself. Write down what you truly want to experience in a relationship—not what’s typical or what you think your partner would like. List as many desires as you can think of, from how you want to feel next to your partner to how you’d like to resolve conflicts.
Each day, jot down something you want in your ideal relationship—nothing is too small or too silly. At the end of the week, review your journal. Notice any patterns? This is the treasure trove of your heart, and you’ve just begun to uncover it.
Excerpt from the e-book “E.D.I.T. Your Love Life. 4 Couple Therapist Secrets For Singles Ready to Mingle“ by Imbi Viirok